Verse Case Scenario: Match the Poem (3)

[D] Anne Kingsmill Finch | Countess who wrote poetry in secret because aristocratic women weren't supposed to have thoughts. Published anonymously until death—history's classiest ghost writer.

[C] Lascelles Abercrombie | Georgian poet whose name sounds like a Harry Potter spell. Part of the Dymock poets who literally lived in the woods writing verse—cottagecore before Instagram.

[B] John Keats | Died at 25 thinking himself a failure, now tortures high school students globally. Spent four stanzas talking to pottery—and made it profound somehow.

[B] Mary Elizabeth Frye | Housewife who'd never written poetry before, created this for a grieving neighbor. Most famous anonymous poem until 1998—proving timing is everything, even posthumously.

[D] Edward Estlin (E E) Cummings | Made spring look like alphabet soup having a seizure. Punctuation marks filed a restraining order against him—grammar anarchist with a Harvard degree.

[C] Christina Rossetti | Wrote about her brother painting his depressed wife obsessively. Victorian family drama that makes reality TV look tame—Pre-Raphaelite problems required Pre-Raphaelite poems.

[B] Sir Walter Raleigh | Explorer, courtier, and poet who lost his head literally after losing Elizabeth I's favor. Multitasked colonialism and sonnets—problematic Renaissance overachiever.

[D] Matthew Arnold | Turned honeymoon depression into required reading for millions. Looked at the English Channel and thought "this needs more existential dread."

[D] Walt Whitman | Listed every American job like LinkedIn had existed in 1860. Democracy's cheerleader who made catalog poetry somehow not boring—miracle worker with line breaks.

[A] Thomas Moore | Irish poet who set his own poems to music—vertically integrated artist before Silicon Valley existed. This one's still sung at weddings by people who don't know the second verse.

[D] Rudyard Kipling | Warned the British Empire about hubris while simultaneously promoting it. Cognitive dissonance achieved poetic form—imperialism's most conflicted cheerleader.

[C] George (Lord) Byron | Wrote about his ex while sleeping with everyone else's ex. This breakup poem still stings two centuries later—ghosting's literary grandfather.

[A] Thomas Hardy | Pessimist who found hope in a freezing bird on century's last day. Even his optimism sounds depressed—emotional range of a funeral in minor key.

[C] Samuel Taylor Coleridge | Never finished this vampire lesbian Gothic poem—opium's scheduling conflicts. Left literature's greatest cliffhanger before Netflix made it profitable.

[D] Samuel Taylor Coleridge | Made killing an albatross the worst decision in maritime history. Seven hundred lines about poor life choices—basically a nautical self-help book written backwards.

[B] Alfred Lord Tennyson | Woman dies because she looked out a window at Lancelot. Victorian melodrama where mirrors, weaving, and hot knights prove fatal—occupational hazards of being mythical.

[A] Wystan Hugh (W H) Auden | Wrote about Prague Spring with the emotional distance of a news anchor on Xanax. Made political tragedy sound like disappointed parent—passive-aggressive poetry perfected.

[C] Ernest Lawrence Thayer | Newspaper filler that became America's baseball anthem. Casey's strikeout traumatized more children than Bambi's mom—sports psychology through poetry.

[C] Alfred Lord Tennyson | Glorified a military disaster so effectively they kept using the poem for recruiting. Six hundred rode to death because someone misunderstood orders—Brexit's spiritual ancestor.

[A] Sappho | Ancient Greek poet whose work survived mostly as papyrus used for mummy wrapping. Literally invented lyric poetry and lesbianism's literary tradition—efficient multitasking.

[A] John Greenleaf Whittier | Quaker poet who fought slavery with verses. Made driftwood philosophical—even beach debris gets deep when abolitionists write about it.

[B] Emily Dickinson | Made spring sound like a home invasion by birds. Only Emily could turn seasonal renewal into an anxiety disorder—nature's most reluctant witness.

[B] Andrew Marvell | Metaphysical poet who served in Parliament—poetry and politics before they became mutually exclusive. Made art galleries into relationship metaphors—museum dates ruined forever.

[D] Jonathan Swift | Wrote fake mourning for someone he hated—passive aggression achieving literary immortality. Satire so sharp it still draws blood three centuries later.

[B] Gerard Manley Hopkins | Jesuit priest who invented "sprung rhythm"—making poetry bounce like Victorian dubstep. Found God in spotted things—divine Pinterest board.

[A] William Butler Yeats | Wrote about escaping to a bee-loud glade while stuck in London. Irish cottage-core fantasy that launched a thousand retirement plans.

[C] Andrew Marvell | "We're all gonna die so let's hook up"—the 1650s' most aggressive pickup line. Made mortality sexy—death as wingman wasn't his worst idea.

[A] Gerard Manley Hopkins | Found electricity metaphors for divinity before Tesla was born. Priest making God sound like a sustainable energy source—renewable spirituality.

[B] John Greenleaf Whittier | Political poem angrier than Twitter during election season. Named after biblical phrase meaning "glory has departed"—subtlety wasn't his strong suit.

[A] Anne Bradstreet | First published American poet, apologizing for writing while writing brilliantly. Weaponized humility—"I'm just a weak woman" followed by destroying male egos.

[C] Ralph Waldo Emerson | Wrote "shot heard round the world" and launched a thousand history essays. Made revolution sound like a transcendental meditation—war but make it philosophical.

[C] Henry Wadsworth Longfellow | Turned burning beach wood into friendship metaphor. Everything this man touched became sentimental—emotional Midas of 19th-century America.

[A] Thomas Hardy | Blamed the universe's dice for his problems—cosmic gambling addiction as theology. God plays craps with human lives—cheerful stuff from literature's Eeyore.

[D] Emma Lazarus | Wrote America's immigration mission statement on spec. "Give me your tired, your poor" wasn't government policy—just one woman's radical hospitality fantasy.

[B] Gary Fincke | Contemporary poet proving birds still inspire verse in the 21st century. Makes corvids contemplative—even trash birds get philosophical treatment now.

[B] Phillis Wheatley | First published African American poet, enslaved, writing neoclassical verse. Showed her enslavers' culture she'd mastered their language better than them—linguistic revenge served cold.

[A] Fleda Brown | Turned Elvis fandom into feminist literature—cultural studies through verse. Proves poetry can tackle anything, even velvet paintings and pilgrimages to Graceland.

[D] Anne Bradstreet | Compared her poetry to an ugly child she still loves—parenting metaphor for artistic creation. First American poet inventing imposter syndrome—ahead of her time.

[C] A E Housman | Made lying on hills during summer sound like preparation for war death. Cheerful stuff from a classics professor—ancient languages made him professionally pessimistic.

[D] Robert Browning | Duke casually admits to murdering his wife while negotiating next marriage. Dramatic monologue where the villain doesn't know he's the villain—narcissism as art form.