Los Santos Line-Up: ID ’Em All (1)

[C] Trevor Phillips | Canada's angriest export who turned meth cooking into an art form. Fun fact: he's actually a trained pilot, which explains why planes keep mysteriously disappearing around Sandy Shores.

[B] Michael de Santa | Former bank robber living his best worst life in Rockford Hills. His therapy bills probably cost more than his heists ever earned, but at least his therapist has a boat now.

[D] Franklin Clinton | Started from repo now we're here. His special ability to slow time while driving has saved more virtual lives than airbags, though Lamar still thinks he drives like someone's grandma.

[A] Chop | The only character who can hump someone's leg and still be considered the good guy. His app training never worked, but he's still more reliable than most human companions in the game.

[A] Lamar Davis | Professional bad idea generator who somehow survives everything through pure charisma. His roasting skills are so legendary, players quote his Franklin insults at family dinners years later.

[D] Tracey De Santa | Fame seeker whose dance moves on TV made everyone uncomfortable, including NPCs. She's living proof that nepotism doesn't work when your dad's a retired criminal trying to be suburban.

[C] Lester Crest | Tech genius who treats the stock market like his personal ATM. His house smells exactly how you'd imagine, but nobody mentions it because he controls their wanted levels.

[B] Ron Jakowski | Conspiracy theorist who was actually right about most things, which is the real conspiracy. His nervous energy could power a small town, preferably one with a good bunker system.

[D] Jimmy De Santa | Professional couch warmer whose greatest achievement was getting his dad drugged and abandoned. Somehow less mature than actual 12-year-olds on his gaming servers.

[B] Packie McReary | Liberty City's gift to Los Santos banking industry (from the withdrawal side). His family stories during heists make everyone appreciate their own dysfunctional relatives a bit more.

[C] Amanda De Santa | Tennis enthusiast who definitely wasn't just there for the instructor. Her ability to tolerate Michael for decades deserves its own achievement trophy.

[A] Johnny Klebitz | Former biker protagonist whose meet-and-greet with Trevor went about as well as expected. His cameo taught players that nobody's safe when Trevor's having a bad morning.

[B] Lazlow Jones | Radio personality clinging to relevance harder than a cat to curtains. His dance moves at the strip club became an instant meme before the game even knew what memes would become.

[C] Chef | Meth cook who takes his job title way too literally. Survived working for Trevor, which automatically qualifies him for any dangerous job in the continental United States.

[D] Wade Hebert | Sweet summer child in a world of winter storms. His juggalo phase was somehow not the worst decision he's made, which really says something about his life choices.

[A] Simeon Yetarian | Credit specialist who turned "legitimate businessman" into an art form of air quotes. His commercials are so bad they're good, unlike his actual business practices.

[C] Dave Norton | FIB agent playing 4D chess while everyone else plays checkers. His biggest achievement was making Michael's witness protection look like actual protection instead of a reality show pitch.

[D] Poppy Mitchell | Starlet whose paparazzi chase missions proved that fame isn't worth the cardio. Her existence reminds us that Los Santos celebrities are just Florida Man with better lighting.

[A] Ashley Butler | Walking cautionary tale about dating bikers and other life choices. Her story arc is basically a PSA that somehow makes meth labs look like the safer option.

[B] Brucie Kibbutz | Fitness enthusiast whose testosterone levels violate several international treaties. His helicopter rides are legendary for all the wrong reasons, especially if you value your hearing.